Rite of Passage ~ From Maiden to Mother 🤎
I am writing this while I am ten weeks pregnant, and this is the first week I have felt lost and not quite myself. And when I accepted that I was feeling lost and unaligned with myself and my sacred work, I found clarity. It became clear to me that I had stepped into an initiation, a transformation. As a shamanic practitioner and women’s coach I have been reading a lot about rite of passage and have facilitated private ceremonies for other women. And now I am here myself, on this path, finding a way to make this a conscious sacred journey into motherhood.
And I am going to take you on this journey with me, exploring what Rite of Passage means and the tools and practices that are supporting me along the way.
What is Rite of Passage?
If we look at the meaning of rite of passage: “A rite of passage is an event or ritual that marks a transition in a person’s life from one stage or status to another.” Rite is the ritual or ceremony, passage is the transition. It is like crossing a threshold. That said, it marks a special event. Coming of age, birth, marriage and death are a few examples of changes and transitions in one’s life.
According to ethnographer Arnold van Gennep, a rite of passage has three formal stages:
Separation — In this phase, an individual becomes socially and emotionally detached from their current life and role in society, often accompanied by a sense of spiritual disconnection. It is a time of reflection and initial learning, preparing for the transition into a new role.
Transformation(the liminal phase) — In this second stage, the individual exists in a liminal state — no longer part of the old role, yet not fully integrated into the new one. They are both and neither at once, creating a sense of not belonging while offering a unique perspective on both realms. This liminal space exists outside of ordinary time and holds deep spiritual insight and hidden knowledge. A deep process, you could say. This is the phase I find myself in right now, on the path from maiden to mother.
Incorporation — In this third and final stage, the individual is integrated into the community in their new role.
In current society there is not much space for transformational periods and rites of passage. We have forgotten to take sacred pauses, as life moves so fast. There is always something to do, and our agendas are filled.
Lately I have been watching a series on Netflix called Dark Winds. It is about the Navajo people back in the 1970s. Behind the storytelling about the police, the inequality and the cruelty against these people, there is another layer — one about the tribal rituals and customs. They perform many ceremonies for thresholds, rites of passage, and to maintain balance. Even though this is just a Netflix series, I find it beautiful, and also heartbreaking, to watch. Ceremonies and celebrations are held when a girl gets her first bleed and becomes a woman. Or when a baby shares their first smile — the moment the child begins to fully enter the human world and engage with the community.
I guess here comes my deep longing for a more conscious, connected world where every step is sacred and we live with the earth, the land, spirit and soul. Following a shamanic practitioner training has nourished that deep longing and way of being within me. And that is why I want to step onto this journey into motherhood slowly and consciously. I think every woman deserves that, and I wish for a world where it is possible.
Stepping onto the path
With that longing alive in me, I noticed I was walking this path differently from what is expected. In the past weeks I have noticed that I wasn’t reading about pregnancy, birth or the upbringing of a child. The books I picked to read were The Pregnant Goddess by Arin Murphy-Hiscock and Shamanic Wisdom for Pregnancy and Parenthood by Anna Cariad-Barrett. Then one day I realized that I was stepping onto a spiritual journey of transformation, and I first needed to understand and embody that journey on a deeper level before I would be ready to learn about birth and upbringing, or to even buy baby essentials. Those books helped me to understand the journey I was stepping onto, from Maiden to Mother.
Maiden, Mother, Crone
The Maiden, Mother, and Crone form the Neopagan Triple Goddess archetype, a symbolic framework that reflects the cyclical nature of a woman’s life, as well as the rhythms of the moon and the natural world. Rather than being strictly linear, these phases are often understood as recurring energies that can be experienced multiple times throughout life.
☽ TheMaiden embodies youth, curiosity, and new beginnings. She is associated with the waxing moon, a time of growth, expansion, and possibility. This phase reflects exploration, independence, and the awakening of identity and desire.
☽ The Mother represents fertility, creation, and fulfillment. Aligned with the full moon, she symbolizes abundance, nourishment, and the capacity to give life — whether physically, creatively, or emotionally. This stage is often linked to maturity, responsibility, and the deepening of connection to others and the world.
☽ The Crone signifies wisdom, introspection, and endings. Connected to the waning moon, she represents release, transformation, and the integration of life’s experiences. This phase honors inner knowing, spiritual insight, and the power that comes with age and reflection.
Together, these three aspects illustrate the continuous cycles of growth, creation, and release that shape both human life and the natural world.
I find this principle, and archetypes in general, beautiful to work with because they give a deeper understanding, and an easier way to embody and express a part of yourself.
Changing roles
Whether you have been trying for months or years, or pregnancy came unexpectedly, it is suddenly there and real. Your body starts to change and your purpose shifts. Nothing can prepare you, until you find yourself in it. Then comes the question: how can I support myself and my transformation?
And this is where I am right now. Trying to give myself time and space to step onto this journey and learn what helps and supports me along the way. So far, reading these books has helped me to accept that things are going to change, and won’t be the same anymore, as I am changing roles. I am wondering right now whether changing roles is influencing my purpose and my sacred work, and how they can live alongside each other, or be blended into one.
Tools & Practices
Books — The Pregnant Goddess by Arin Murphy-Hiscock and Shamanic Wisdom for Pregnancy and Parenthood by Anna Cariad-Barrett.
Journaling — I’ve started a pregnancy journal to write about my journey: how I feel, my concerns, what happened that day or week, etc. Journaling is always helpful to clear your mind, but it is also beautiful to read back later, after the journey.
Taking it slow & honoring my body — There is so much happening in this first trimester, so I really try to take it as slow as possible and to honor and listen to my body. Taking naps, trying to eat as well as possible (not easy!), and looking at my belly every day to find moments of gratitude for my body and my baby.
Rituals & ceremony — I’ve done a few rituals and ceremonies to honor the transition and welcome this baby. Mostly I do this with a tarot deck, the shamanic drum and a cup of cacao. For my cacao I use a lower dose and a smaller amount.
Connecting with other women — What helps me a lot is talking with other women who have been through this rite of passage. I feel like I am not alone on this journey, and that everything I am going through — the feelings, the body changes — is so normal. And although it doesn’t make it easier, I do feel supported.
Ceremony in the Austrian mountains
When I was four weeks pregnant we were on holiday in Austria. While Koen was snowboarding, I went up alone into the mountains and held a small ceremony — a soft, sacred welcome to the soul of our baby, just me and the land.
Honoring the threshold
I will take you along on my journey, my rite of passage from Maiden to Mother. I am somewhere in between right now — no longer who I was, not yet who I am becoming. And I am learning to let that be enough. May this be a reminder that every threshold is sacred, even when no one around you names it as such.
